Don’t fall down the stairs. It will hurt.

Don’t skin your elbow as you tumble to the floor. Don’t hit your back and shoulders. Don’t bang your knee. Don’t bash your foot against the banister. Don’t break your toe.

Don’t lie sobbing on the floor as your husband rushes to make sure you’re still alive. Don’t phone your friend and ask her to take you to A&E. Don’t hang out at the hospital on a Thursday night. Don’t stare at the crazies and the drunks. Don’t eavesdrop on their conversations. Don’t watch the clock edge ever closer to 1am. Try not to fall asleep before they call you into x-ray.

Don’t swear as the nurse straps your toe. Don’t cry. Don’t hobble out to the taxi in your pyjamas. Try not to feel stupid.

Swallow painkillers, lots of them. Don’t watch your foot turn a delicious shade of purple. Don’t try to walk despite the pain. Stay on the sofa, don’t move. Sleep, then sleep some more.

Try to ignore just how much your body hurts right now. Ease the pain with chocolate and online shopping. Pray it heals quickly and find a way to laugh about it.

Love Audrey xxx

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