Dear Franky,
Your due date is 5 days away, it’s really hot and you’ve forgotten what it’s like NOT to feel uncomfortable.
The last few weeks of this pregnancy seem to have taken longer to pass than the 8 months that preceded them. You were so anxious that the baby might arrive before it’s due date, and put paid to all your plans for handing in your university assignments early, that you hurtled towards those deadlines without giving any thought to the weeks that might drag after they passed.
Well the baby didn’t come early (and I bet you feel kind of silly for packing your hospital bag 6 weeks ago now, don’t you?). Your dissertation is done and you’re still pregnant. I’d advise you to try really, really hard not to focus on that supposed due date either. In fact, make plans for the week after the 6th. Arrange to see friends. Book a pedicure. If you do have to cancel, they’ll understand. My guess is you won’t deal very well with being overdue. Don’t believe me? Read this, you were on the verge of tears when you wrote it.
Anyway, I thought I’d take this opportunity to run through a few things that I’ve learnt over the last year, a mixture of observations and a little advice.
1. Let me reassure you… you haven’t had a relapse of depression. It was your biggest fear throughout this pregnancy, it terrified you before you even conceived. In fact, you contemplated NOT conceiving, it terrified you so much.
Don’t get me wrong, you’ve had tough days (in fact you’ve had a few of them recently) but that all-consuming, can’t-hardly-function sickness that can consume you hasn’t returned. There’s been no meds, no psychiatric referrals, no suicidal thoughts… nothing.
But, not being depressed this time will make you realise how depressed you were last time.
You will feel as if you couldn’t have been whole after you had Izzy, as if you didn’t love her enough because you weren’t in a place where you could love yourself. The truth of it is that her newness made loosing Dad even harder, however much you tell people that she was what kept you going at the time, you’re reason for getting up every day.
This will make you feel incredibly guilty.
My advice?
Stop feeling guilty and get on with it. Motherhood is not about perfection, it’s about being good enough. You’re children are loved and that’s the main thing.
So you went a little crazy once, who cares!
2. You’ll get your home birth and it’ll be amazing. The sun will be shining, there will be music playing, there will be more people in your bathroom than you ever thought possible and the most surreal moment will be watching the midwife rinse your placenta in your shower.
3. You know that dirt cheap pink and white polka dot nightie you just bought in Primark, the one you’re planning to wear in labour and then BURN.
Get rid of it. I don’t care how, just get rid of it.
There’s going to be a horrible mix-up and in your post-birth haze you won’t notice your Mum putting it on you while you snuggle up to your new baby. The photos will haunt you forever if you don’t and you’ll spend a considerable amount of time untagging yourself from photos on Facebook too.
4. Little boys play with their willy a lot.
5. This will bother Mr. LA far more than it bothers you. Just keep telling him how unlikely it is that the little one could actually manage to pull ‘it’ off.
6. Once you have learnt to do numerous household tasks one-handed, you never loose the skill. The baby will be only days old and you’ll find yourself making yourself a cup of tea, cooking Izzy’s dinner and putting a load of washing on… all while breastfeeding.
7. You will do more washing than you ever thought possible. You haven’t seen the bottom of the laundry basket in almost a year.
8. Izzy will adore the new baby and the new baby will adore her. Your heart will melt and you’ll well up on numerous occasions just watching them together. You’ll look at your own sister differently, knowing that even though you can’t remember it, you must have been thrilled to meet her.
9. You’ll manage with two. Every time you get through a day looking after them on your own you’ll feel a deep sense of achievement. Over the last year you’ve acquired a deep feeling of respect for people that have more than two children, for single parents, for women who have their children closer together than you did and for your own mother. You’ll also come to understand why Mum usually needed a glass of wine in the evenings.
10. Mr. LA is the most amazing man. He works too hard and he doesn’t always get the whole work/life balance right but he loves you and he loves the children. Remember this next time he leaves a dirty nappy on the bedroom floor, forgets to empty the bathwater and puts the baby’s clothes on back to front.
Oh and you know how you’ve been on and on at him to discuss and decide on some baby names for the last 9 months?
Don’t worry, he will.
In between contractions.
Loveaudrey xxx
Oh my god what a GORGEOUS post! Made me all goosebumpy and dare I say it, broody?! Love the picture of your two babies together, and the little bit of writing underneath it. Such a sweet post xxx
what a fabulously well written and imaginative post, loved reading it and I read it ALL which i rarely do, im a skimmer!!Much admiration to you for looking after two monkeys, what a yummy mummy and a lucky thing you are xx
I love your blog so so much…
this was absolutly lovely!
the way you write is so witty and clever and never fails to make me smile.
Your children are gorgeous!
Sj xx
I enjoyed reading this as I’m 6 months pregnant with my own (first) baby- a little boy. I too have a very bad psychiatric past but it was really nice to read this and has helped alleviate my fears a bit about how I’ll cope. xx
What a beautiful post. So well written, I loved it. Would you ever consider doing a guest post on my blog? Would love to have you on there? xx
Oh Franky…I think I’ll have to properly comment on this later, after I wipe away my tears! This was beautiful, so touching, moving, honest and heart wrenchingly real…you are such an amazing, beautiful person, with a wonderful, gorgeous family…I absolutly love you for posting this. xxx
@Lollipop Oh thank you so much, Im glad you enjoyed reading it! Writing it and going through the photos of Jesse when he was tiny made me broody too!!
@Holly That is high praise indeed as you write so well yourself and you’re officially one of the yummiest mummys I know! I’m glad you liked the post!
@essjayarr Thanks so much, it means alot that you enjoy reading my ramblings. Thank you for the compliment too… I think my kids are scrummy too!
xxx
@Anonymous Girl 6 months pregnant… how exciting! I hope everything is going well for you and the little one.
In hindsight I realise that I actually became depressed while I was pregnant with Izzy. Sadly, it took me a good 6 months to get any help by which time I was very close to the edge if you know what I mean. When my Dad died a few months later I sank even lower.
I know that after I had Jesse the midwives/health visitors were alot more on the ball (I think mental health is generally a little more high profile now within the NHS but PND in particular). They asked all the right questions and offered me lots of support.
My advice would be that if you feel yourself sinking or recognise any of the familiar negative feelings get help as soon as you can. Sometimes it’s easy to forget to look after yourself when you’re a Mum but you can’t very well care for a baby if you don’t!! Good luck with everything, I’m sure you’ll cope brilliantly!
xxx
@Lauren Loves Thank you sweetheart! I’ve never thought about doing a guest post before!! What a privelage, that’s like what ‘proper’ bloggers do!! Did you have a subject in mind?
@Laura Oh you big bag of hormones you! I didn’t mean to make you blub! I’m glad you enjoyed it though hun. Honest and real is def my speciality! And you’re little family will be even more gorgeous than mine, I’m sure!
xxx
Anything you’d like. I just think you’re a really good writer, whether you realise it or not! I really enjoy reading your posts about anything and everything. If you fancy it please email me at [email protected]
And you are a proper blogger! xx
This was such a brilliant post- loved reading it! x
this post is so wonderful. your blog makes me super happy. i’m glad things are going so well for you!! your family is beautiful!! 🙂
@Lauren Ok, I’m very flattered! I’ll have a think about it and drop you an email when the craziness of Jesse’s 1st b’day has subsided!
@daisy I’m glad you enjoyed it!
@RMb Thank you lady, it means alot that you enjoy reading my little blog! Thank you for the compliment too!
xxx
Aww that post deffo brought tears to my eyes! So well written, love your blog so much 🙂
You are so lucky to have two adorable children and you should be very proud of yourself as a mummy 🙂
Aw I can’t believe I’ve not read this post before! It’s lovely, really emotional and beautifully written and reminded me of just how much I love your blog! xx
I think you are my favourite blogger. The end x