I wonder when we’ll stop calling the new house ‘new’?
It’s feels like home now. I think. It’s definitely grown familiar, become part of the patchwork of our lives.
We’ve changed so much, yet nothing is finished. Where there’s paint on the walls, there’s no carpet underfoot. Where we’ve built shelves and bought furniture there’s an endless expanse crying out for those all important finishing touches. Temporary measures have taken on a permanence that makes me wonder if we’ll ever plough through our ‘to do’ list and call this place ‘done’.
A few rooms remain completely untouched. The attic, our bedroom. Sometimes I struggle to sleep, adrift in a sea of chaos that continues to swarm with upturned moving boxes and endless posessions that have no home of their own. Still. One year on.
Were we right to move? Was the move we made the right one? Are we happier, more fulfilled?
I don’t know. Maybe. Probably. Earlier this year, I stumbled across a quote from Jeanette Winterson that immediately resonated with me. The words continue to swim inside my mind whenever I find myself questioning the way our lives are unfolding.
‘When we make a change, it’s so easy to interpret our unsettledness as unhappiness, and our unhappiness as a result of having made the wrong decision. Our mental and emotional states fluctuate madly when we make big changes in our lives, and some days we could tight-rope across Manhattan and other days we are too weary to clean our teeth. This is normal. This is natural. This is change.’
There’s a lot I miss about Exeter and there are things I dislike about Bristol. Watching the city slowly reveal itself to me over the last 12 months has been a bit like falling in love again. The real test was always going to be finding room in our hearts for its flaws and imperfections. You have to open your eyes to its harsh reality, see the city stripped back, bare, before you can say ‘It’s ok, I like you just the way you are’.
Life isn’t perfect, but I wasn’t expecting it to be. I doubt this is our forever home, but I don’t need it to be. I could lament the fact we don’t live closer to the park, pine for the picturesque school run of days gone by, or agonise over ‘better’ houses a few streets away. I’m too busy throwing down roots though, because I love this place, this house, our home.
I suspect I’ll love it even more when we finally, finally finish unpacking. Maybe by this time next year? I live in hope.
Read our Exeter Ending here and more Bristol Beginnings here, here and here.
Love Audrey xxx
A really good post, your writing is very good. Having moved a lot myself it I find it always takes ages to really grow into a new home. I’m actually having a little giveaway over on my blog if you are interested in having a look.
Thank you Amber, you’re right, we’re definitely still growing into this home. Thanks for the heads up on your fab giveaway too 🙂
A lovely post. We moved to our ‘new house’ a couple of months ago and although we all feel the move is a positive one I am feeling unsettled. I love the quote from Jeanette Winterson…it will help me to focus my mind and retain some perspective 🙂 Jx
It’s a great quote isn’t it! I hope you’re enjoying making your new house a home as much as I am mine! xxx
Ah Franky, another wonderful post! I have felt the same way you describe many times, especially when I moved to Kent from Australia. I wasn’t prepared to live there, I wasn’t prepared for its grimness, for the tiredness of it all, for the totally different lifestyle.
I’ve come back to Australia to finish my studies and sort out my visa situation, and it’s only now that I realise how much I ache for those cobbled streets, for the dirt, for all of my friends. I found an unlikely home, one I expect will be for life!
Thank you Sam. I can’t even imagine the great change involved in moving from one side of the world to the other! I’m glad Kent feels like where you belong now and I hope moving back goes well. xxx
That is soo true “When we make a change, it’s so easy to interpret our unsettledness as unhappiness, and our unhappiness as a result of having made the wrong decision”. My life can be going so great and just because I’ve had a hard day or two, I start feeling like everything is wrong. When in reality nothings wrong, I’m just having a hard day lol The human psyche 🙂
I’m glad you like the quote. I knew I had to share it as soon as I spotted it. I’m sure many people can relate! xxx
As a recent immigrant to Bristol too – I was fascinated to read this. Relocating is do hard, it’s so difficult not to compare. I happy for you that despite the imperfections, ultimately it’s love!
You’re right, it’s almost impossible not to compare, which is silly as a new home/city is never going to feel like the place you’ve spent 8yrs building a life and making memories! xxx
And I ache for bristol. Bristol is still called home even after 6 years in australia and 5 living elsewhere prior to that. I am still fiercely proud of bristol and all it’s quirks. Yet somehow now the opportunity to come home has been presented I realize how much of my life in Australia I will miss and how this is now part of my home!
This is how I feel about London. I haven’t lived there in over a decade, but I still ache for it. Having said that, Exeter was hard to leave too! Perhaps anywhere you lay down roots becomes a part of you in some way and as the quote illustrates, change is hard! xxx
Oh that quote really resonates with me too. In my first year here in a Doha I was definitely unsettled but perhaps not as unhappy as I thought. This year, as I’ve begun to feel settled, I can enjoy the city for what it is and can offer, without unfavourably comparing it to Valencia, or elsewhere. I don’t have a place I call home at the moment, which can feel unsettling in itself, but I feel far happier despite all this.
I’m so glad you’re happier now. I’ve learnt that comparing our new home to the old one is a waste of energy too. I think it’s important to focus on where we are now and make the best of it. xxx
An interesting post. We moved house 1.5 years ago and although I knew this is our forever house I still felt unsettled for first six months or so, until my daughter went to school and we started making connections in the area. Recognising people when we go to the park or local events has really made a difference to how I settled I feel.
We have just about unpacked, but we haven’t really personalised the house. There are pictures on the wall, but only as we unpacked them and there happened to be a hook. The house needs a lot of work on it and there is little point making it pretty when most rooms are going to change. But we probably won’t start any work until next year.
Thanks for your comment Kate. Making friends and forming connections is definitely a big help, although it can feel quite scary. I joined a book club and both my husband and I try to put ourselves out there by attending networking events etc. As we’re both self-employed and work from home we don’t have the opportunity to befriend co-workers who know the local area, so that’s been an added challenge.
We’ve been slow to add personal touches to our home too, but we’re finally getting photos up and adding things like rugs and lighting which seem to make more of an impact emotionally than just slapping paint on the walls! I hope you enjoy the decorating process when you get to it next year!
xxx