via Shanice Cameron
When I shared my goals for the new year back in January, I wrote about my plan to push myself well beyond the realms of my comfort zone. This notion has underscored a lot of the decisions I’ve made over the last month and I’ve definitely done things, both professionally and personally, that I might not otherwise have been bold enough to attempt.
My Saturday Short project is a prime example. Posting fragments of my creative writing here each week is terrifying, but after only five instalments it’s already proving to be a really valuable exercise. Not only am I learning a lot about my creative process and the kind of stories I want to write, but the encouragement from those reading has done wonders for my confidence.
That said, actively trying to be brave and bold has reminded me just how easily I allow crippling self-doubt to encroach on my day-to-day life. Towards the end of last week, for example, an exciting work opportunity presented itself to me. My knee-jerk reaction was to immediately question my ability to fulfil the role I was being offered. The more I read through the email, the more convinced I became that I shouldn’t even throw my hat in the ring, so to speak.
My husband, who is arguably my biggest cheerleader, did an excellent job of telling me to pull myself together and get on with it! As we discussed the situation, I asked him why he thinks he’s rarely plagued by self-doubt. I often tease him, saying there’s a very line between confidence and arrogance, but in truth I really admire his unwavering belief in his own abilities. Ultimately, he thinks he’s really good at what he does. Sure, if pressed, he can identify his weaknesses, but generally speaking, it never occurs to him that he might not do a good job. I do wonder if self-doubt is a trait that particularly affects women and, if so, why?
Looking back on the last decade, I can easily discern the periods of my life that saw me riddled with self-doubt. It was definitely a common theme throughout my MA and undergraduate degree and no doubt a huge factor in the regular meltdowns I went through during my time at university. I can vividly remember being completely overwhelmed by the belief that I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t read the books, I couldn’t write the essays and I couldn’t sit the exams.
Of course, I did do those things. I just wonder how different the experience would have been if I’d believed I could from the beginning. Maybe, on some level, self-doubt plays a part in getting sh*t done? A kind of ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ scenario. Or do we inadvertently limit ourselves and the choices we make because at the back of our mind we think we’ll fail?
Does self-doubt feature in your life? How do you deal with it?
Love Audrey xxx
Interesting……
Knowing you, I would guess that actually, right at your very core, you have the same unwavering belief in yourself that Carl has. It’s just that women are far more adept at seeing both the practical and emotional ramifications surrounding a situation and that is when the self doubt kicks in. We almost see too much and it can be hard to have faith in ourselves when we have already considered everything that might possibly be wrong with our choice.
You have a steeliness determination of anyone I have ever met Franky. It’s maybe just covered by a thick layer of questions, most of which probably don’t need to be answered x
Oooh a very isightful comment Susie, thank you.
Maybe you’re right. We’ve chatted before about the fact I don’t feel as confident as everyone assumes I am. I think one of my coping mechanisms is to fake how I want to feel so that on some level it becomes truth, and I guess that’s how I’ve dealt with feelings of self-doubt in the past. I am determined though, you’re right on that count and ultimately I don’t think I’ve ever let self-doubt stop me from doing something. It just makes it a slightly unpleasant process!
xxx
Just for the record, I love your Saturday Shorts. The last one was my favourite so far.
I have self-doubt to the highest degree, and I don’t think I do deal with at all! i take some serious convincing sometimes just to leave the house: ‘I can’t drive that far/I won’t be welcome there etc etc’/
I’m at a time where I need to apply for jobs now, and I’m struggling to see the applications for what they are, and to know when it’s a job which I am capable of.
If you find out a way to deal with it, please let me know! x
Thanks Laura, a few people have said the last one was their favourite. I’ll have to try for more of the same.
If I find any foolproof ways of dealing with doubt I’ll be sure to let you know.
xxx
I keep meaning to get in touch to say how much I am enjoying your Saturday Shorts and how blown away I’ve been by your writing. You are one very talented lady and have a way with words that I wish I was blessed with!! And how on earth you find time for writing this blog along with all your other commitments I will never know.
I think the best thing to do sometimes is to imagine what you would tell a friend in the same position as you. If they had the same qualities as you and were offered the same opportunity would you tell them to go for it? If the answer is yes then that’s what you owe yourself too!
xxx
Ahh thank you Hollie, that really means a lot. Great advice too, I’ll try that next time I’m doubting myself.
xxx
I think that it’s more common for women to be openly self doubting, but my OH has definitely shown me that men are often plagued by these sort of thoughts as well. I think he keeps it fairly well hidden though, as his friends and family don’t see anything like as much of it as I do.
It’s something that has changed for me as I’ve got older. At 29, I don’t worry half as much as I used to about most things. I’m more confident of my abilities and care far less about what others will think, and I hope this continues as I reach my thirties!
That’s a good point. When I was chatting to my husband it became clear that he more doubts about things in his personal life, like being a good father. I don’t often question what I do with the children so that’s a big difference betwen us. It’s great that you feel more confident.
xxx
Franky I need to take lessons from you!
I don’t know about that Ruth! I’m just muddling along!
xxx
A very interesting post and I definitely think woman are more prone to these feelings of doubt. I hate how my own self doubt stops me from doing all the things I want to do. I make excuses and don’t push myself. I am going to make it my aim to try even harder and build on my confidence. It sounds like you have the best thing for self doubt – support.
Katy x
That sounds like a good resolution Katy. I have incredibly support, my friends and family are my secret weapon 😉
xxx